As Small as the World as Large as Alone

The leather of the steering

wheel was comforting among

the cold sounds of wheels cutting

across wet pavement. Calm spread

through her tired hands, washed over teeth,

sore from being clenched too hard

for too long, and lapped against

the building migraine in the

back of her skull. Outside the

windshield the dark sky was cast

in pink by the city lights.

Nature transcended by man.

The car drove her further and

further away from the past.

.

Her bed was warm and coated

in thick nostalgic wafts of

his previous presence. She

curled on her side cradling a

pillow as false rain pattered

against her eardrums.

Sleep drowned her in dreams where long

crepuscular figures took

her hand and lead her back home.

I’ve had a tough couple of days. Mostly my finals are killing me and this extra stress from Colin is making me go crazy.

I don’t think I have ever been so angry. I woke up from a nap clenching my teeth and pissed off. Usually I cool off after some time of sleep but I really didn’t see that happening this time. 

I think the biggest thing for me was that I still haven’t gotten an apology and he still hasn’t accepted some responsibility. Hell he’s not even mad at his sober friend who thought it was a good idea to leave his drunk as shit friend at a house where he had no ride, had no working phone, and without letting his only chance for a ride know about it. Especially since his friend knew that if he missed his presentation he would FAIL his class. 

Doesn’t seem like much of a friend to me and his flimsy excuse of, “I couldn’t find his phone charger in the wreck of his room.” Yeah beacause he didn’t have a phone charger there. Oh and trying to call him in the morning makes a whole lot of sense what with his phone being dead. 

I just don’t get it. If a friend of mine did that I would be ripshit. I would be telling them they kind of fucked me over for my class and with his girlfriend. 

I had to rush out and get him missing 45 mins of an hour long class that I had to give a presentation in. 

And after all this I’m more depressed than angry. I just feel like shit all the time and I can’t focus on my studies. I don’t even know what to think about what his friend said about the strip club. I mean I just don’t really buy the explanation I got. I don’t think he’s lying but given how drunk he was I’m not sure he’d even be able to tell me what happened. Plus I don’t exactly trust his friends to respect the fact he’s in a fucking relationship. 

I’m probably just being ridiculous.

I don’t know. Sorry for the rant tumblr I just needed to write this out.